When I think of the goodness of Jesus and all that He's done for me...
If you ask me, there has never been a truer statement. Five years ago I was in my third trimester pregnant with my second child. When I was three months pregnant her father left. No explanation, no goodbye. He was gone... At that time myspace was the new social media and I has got a message from Mary Elizabeth Stone. Her profile picture is a picture of the father of my child holding her wearing the gloves I had just got for him the day before. In her message she described their relationship and in detail explained to me how they would be raising my child and how my child would be calling her mommy. I'd also have meetings with my pastors wife (his mother) and sermon after sermon they'd both preach at me from across the pulpit. At first I held on to the hope that since I hadn't heard from him directly that maybe he'd come around. Just maybe.
I safely made it out of my first trimester after being told I may not carry full term. Barely made it out of my second trimester and now on partial bed rest in my third trimester. He finally calls and asks the sex of the baby. Calls again to ask my due date. Calls again after she's born to ask who she looks like and if she has all of her fingers and toes.
Fast forward - My daughter is now almost one years old. New church, new life, new phone number and I'm dating someone new. Then I get a message on Facebook. They're suing me for partial custody. After I calm down and do my research, he's filed the papers but hasn't had me served yet. How do you file for custody for a child you've never met? He didn't show up to her birth, her baby dedication, or her first birthday party. So I make a counterclaim and have him served. Then he starts stalking me. So on top of a custody battle there is now a order for protection. He shows up to the court date for the long term restraining order but not for the custody case. I agree to one over night supervised visit a week. After he hadn't complied for a year I took him back to court and now I have full physical and legal custody.
Angry wouldn't even describe the way I felt. I was abandoned, rejected, ashamed and hurt beyond measure. Not just by the father of my child but by my pastors and at that time my mentor. I was very wreck less with my mouth and even had the nerve to use scriptures to defend myself. That was how I dealt with it for a very long time but eventually after a lot of stumbling blocks and scraped knees (figuratively speaking), I surrendered my need to be right. My need to be vindicated. My need to be heard. my need to be loved and affirmed. I had to deal with me. I had to love me. I HAD TO GET PRIDE OUT OF THE WAY. I had to get me right and with God's limitless and matchless love I did indeed.
I am FREE! REDEEMED! Made whole in His image and in His likeness! He has made all things NEW! Thank God I am not who I used to be. He took me as I was. Two kids. Two different fathers and He loves me regardless. He is Sovereign. That even in my worst state He did not change His mind about me. But He called by my name and made me HIS! What a joy divine to know that He loves me in a way that no man ever has. That He just wants ME! Who wouldn't surrender to that kind of love?
There is truly Glory on the other side of abandonment, rejection, pride and shame. I am living proof and I am because He IS! He is my worship, He is my praise and no one compares to my God! He is my Hope. When I think about the goodness of Jesus and that He's done for me... I will bless His name with my WHOLE heart and declare His works in the earth.
Child of God, do not allow bitterness to take root and keep you from all that He has for you today. Pride goes before destruction and a haughtiness before a fall. Don't self destruct. The only person stopping you is you. Your enemy is your inner me. Be blessed, be forgiven, just be!
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
You are the God who sees me
"You are the God who sees me," for she said, " I have now seen the One who sees me." That is what Hagar said to the angel of the Lord who found her near a spring in the desert beside the road to Shur in Genesis Chapter 16.
If you are a single mother I want to encourage you and remind you that God is not slack concerning His promise! That He Sees YOU!
There have been times on this journey of being a single mother that I have wanted to RUN. A time where I did. Admittedly I like Hagar at one time or another bought mistreatment upon myself by my actions towards others. I ran away and left the church only to go back. See, I was already a single mother. My son at that time was only two and I had only been living on my own separate from his father for six months. I was in the church, went to every service, sang in the choir, attended women's meetings, helped out in ministry and now pregnant with my second child. Two children, two baby's fathers, and my unborn child's father disappeared one day & never came back. His parents were my Pastors at the time.
I remember being at the altar and crying out to God, "I can't do this by myself!" He gave me His Word and His promise to me was Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." So I told the Lord Yes I will have this baby.
He knows exactly what each of us go through. He sees you trying to make sense of it all. Trying to make ends meet. He sees your hurt, your pain, your disappointment and your worry but Fear Not! Provision has already been made!
I have seen the One who sees me. I see Him every day I go to work. Every time a bill gets paid. Every time my children have food to eat and clothes on their back. God has always provided for them both. They have never lacked. I have been beyond blessed to continue to maintain my job through this entire journey. Blessed that I pay my own rent, daycare, medical, shelter costs, car payment and insurance. He has kept His promise and has remained FAITHFUL!
It doesn't matter if that man is in your child's life or not. If he pays his child support or not. God is a Father to the fatherless. So Seek the Kingdom of God above all else , and live righteously , and he will give you everything you need (Matt 6:33). When he sees your child He doesn't see a mistake. He sees the great nation that child is about to be just as He did Ishmael. It doesn't matter how that child was bought in to this world EVERY child is a GIFT from God!
If you are a single mother I want to encourage you and remind you that God is not slack concerning His promise! That He Sees YOU!
There have been times on this journey of being a single mother that I have wanted to RUN. A time where I did. Admittedly I like Hagar at one time or another bought mistreatment upon myself by my actions towards others. I ran away and left the church only to go back. See, I was already a single mother. My son at that time was only two and I had only been living on my own separate from his father for six months. I was in the church, went to every service, sang in the choir, attended women's meetings, helped out in ministry and now pregnant with my second child. Two children, two baby's fathers, and my unborn child's father disappeared one day & never came back. His parents were my Pastors at the time.
I remember being at the altar and crying out to God, "I can't do this by myself!" He gave me His Word and His promise to me was Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." So I told the Lord Yes I will have this baby.
He knows exactly what each of us go through. He sees you trying to make sense of it all. Trying to make ends meet. He sees your hurt, your pain, your disappointment and your worry but Fear Not! Provision has already been made!
I have seen the One who sees me. I see Him every day I go to work. Every time a bill gets paid. Every time my children have food to eat and clothes on their back. God has always provided for them both. They have never lacked. I have been beyond blessed to continue to maintain my job through this entire journey. Blessed that I pay my own rent, daycare, medical, shelter costs, car payment and insurance. He has kept His promise and has remained FAITHFUL!
It doesn't matter if that man is in your child's life or not. If he pays his child support or not. God is a Father to the fatherless. So Seek the Kingdom of God above all else , and live righteously , and he will give you everything you need (Matt 6:33). When he sees your child He doesn't see a mistake. He sees the great nation that child is about to be just as He did Ishmael. It doesn't matter how that child was bought in to this world EVERY child is a GIFT from God!
God's Got Me Covered
It's so so amazing how you can read the same story in the Bible fifty times and always get something new out of it each time. I was reading the story of Adam and Eve the other day and this particular scripture amazed me and knocked me off of my feet and it reads, "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." WOW!
He dealt with the who, what, when, where, how and why and then He COVERED them! He even put a mark on Cain after he killed Abel so that if he were found no would kill him. They did what we so often do and, "lived in the moment." Then they tried to cover it up by sewing together fig leaves and Cain pretending that he didn't know where his brother Abel was. Now as a consequence of that they were sent away. Even after everything they did He didn't allow them to walk in shame. Humiliation. Embarrassment. Condemnation. He COVERED them.
There are times in life when you may feel like you've done the unforgivable and you're too ashamed to come before God but there is nothing that you have done that He won't pardon. You may have to live with the consequences but you WILL be forgiven and He will COVER you all the days of your life!
He dealt with the who, what, when, where, how and why and then He COVERED them! He even put a mark on Cain after he killed Abel so that if he were found no would kill him. They did what we so often do and, "lived in the moment." Then they tried to cover it up by sewing together fig leaves and Cain pretending that he didn't know where his brother Abel was. Now as a consequence of that they were sent away. Even after everything they did He didn't allow them to walk in shame. Humiliation. Embarrassment. Condemnation. He COVERED them.
There are times in life when you may feel like you've done the unforgivable and you're too ashamed to come before God but there is nothing that you have done that He won't pardon. You may have to live with the consequences but you WILL be forgiven and He will COVER you all the days of your life!
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