Better not bitter

When I think of the goodness of Jesus and all that He's done for me...

If you ask me, there has never been a truer statement. Five years ago I was in my third trimester pregnant with my second child. When I was three months pregnant her father left. No explanation, no goodbye. He was gone... At that time myspace was the new social media and I has got a message from Mary Elizabeth Stone. Her profile picture is a picture of the father of my child holding her wearing the gloves I had just got for him the day before. In her message she described their relationship and in detail explained to me how they would be raising my child and how my child would be calling her mommy. I'd also have meetings with my pastors wife (his mother) and sermon after sermon they'd both preach at me from across the pulpit. At first I held on to the hope that since I hadn't heard from him directly that maybe he'd come around. Just maybe.
I safely made it out of my first trimester after being told I may not carry full term. Barely made it out of my second trimester and now on partial bed rest in my third trimester. He finally calls and asks the sex of the baby. Calls again to ask my due date. Calls again after she's born to ask who she looks like and if she has all of her fingers and toes.
Fast forward - My daughter is now almost one years old. New church, new life, new phone number and I'm dating someone new. Then I get a message on Facebook. They're suing me for partial custody. After I calm down and do my research, he's filed the papers but hasn't had me served yet. How do you file for custody for a child you've never met? He didn't show up to her birth, her baby dedication, or her first birthday party. So I make a counterclaim and have him served. Then he starts stalking me. So on top of a custody battle there is now a order for protection. He shows up to the court date for the long term restraining order but not for the custody case. I agree to one over night supervised visit a week. After he hadn't complied for a year I took him back to court and now I have full physical and legal custody.
Angry wouldn't even describe the way I felt. I was abandoned, rejected, ashamed and hurt beyond measure. Not just by the father of my child but by my pastors and at that time my mentor. I was very wreck less with my mouth and even had the nerve to use scriptures to defend myself. That was how I dealt with it for a very long time but eventually after a lot of stumbling blocks and scraped knees (figuratively speaking), I surrendered my need to be right. My need to be vindicated. My need to be heard. my need to be loved and affirmed. I had to deal with me. I had to love me. I HAD TO GET PRIDE OUT OF THE WAY. I had to get me right and with God's limitless and matchless love I did indeed.
I am FREE! REDEEMED! Made whole in His image and in His likeness! He has made all things NEW! Thank God I am not who I used to be. He took me as I was. Two kids. Two different fathers and He loves me regardless. He is Sovereign. That even in my worst state He did not change His mind about me. But He called by my name and made me HIS! What a joy divine to know that He loves me in a way that no man ever has. That He just wants ME! Who wouldn't surrender to that kind of love?
There is truly Glory on the other side of abandonment, rejection, pride and shame. I am living proof and I am because He IS! He is my worship, He is my praise and no one compares to my God! He is my Hope. When I think about the goodness of Jesus and that He's done for me... I will bless His name with my WHOLE  heart and declare His works in the earth.
Child of God, do not allow bitterness to take root and keep you from all that He has for you today. Pride goes before destruction and a haughtiness before a fall. Don't self destruct. The only person stopping you is you. Your enemy is your inner me. Be blessed, be forgiven, just be!